Sunday, 31 March 2013

dietdevil: The only sticky brown thing today.......

dietdevil: The only sticky brown thing today.......: So I am on a mission.    I may have slipped a bit in the weight loss stakes ( cough cough )  so that is the prime reason why I didn&#39...

The only sticky brown thing today.......

So I am on a mission.
 
 I may have slipped a bit in the weight loss stakes ( cough cough )  so that is the prime reason why I didn't buy any Easter eggs.
This did not make me very popular as I staggered downstairs this morning. I am already an awful sleeper and what with losing an all important hour too I wasn't in the best of moods. The lack of eggs, it would appear, make me an awful mother too.............
 
We decided to engage in a healthy activity instead and this went down a treat. We took the spaniels up to one of my favourite places in St Ives - Steeple Woods.
 
The dogs were in canine heaven - so many trees to pee on, so many smells to sniff and as you can see there was a very muddy stream which Freddy decided to wallow in like a hippo.
 
 
He was as happy as the proverbial pig in shit.
 
All three dogs were super well behaved, even Mutley ( who I do worry about sometimes ) , they greeted every dog they met with a woof and a bit of sussing out and thankfully there were no chihuahuahs on heat so it was all good and any awkward situations were avoided.
 
I have seen lots of photos today on Facebook and I think every single household that is on my friends list has an abundance of eggs.
 I do not feel guilty.
 
 When I am sliding my newly found hips back into the thin(ner) clothes that I bought after my last weight loss, I will remember this weekend and think 'thank goodness I didn't succumb to the bright packaging and the lovely delicious chocolate egg shapes with lots of little treats inside them''
 
I will be smug.
 
 
 
 
 

Saturday, 30 March 2013

dietdevil: One armed dwarves and daffodils

dietdevil: One armed dwarves and daffodils: So it's the 'silly season' .............and bugger me, never before have I needed a drink more than I need one now! And I am go...

One armed dwarves and daffodils

So it's the 'silly season' .............and bugger me, never before have I needed a drink more than I need one now! And I am going to have several and I may have a headache tomorrow but surely it can't be worse than the headache that I have had today!
 
You see, for the last 3 months I have hibernated like a hedgehog and at this moment I am just as prickly. I am not going to stew - this blog will be cathartic. Yes, I am using new  words and yes, I have just asked a very clever friend if that's in the right context and even if it isn't I am going to use it anyway.
 
It's my blog so I shall write what I want - ok???
 
I have been pushed, jostled, told off, moaned at and almost harrassed over the last couple of days and let's face it - for those that know me, I'm not known for my sweet nature and tolerance at the best of times. Add that to the fact that there will be no easter eggs passing my lips and it does not make me a happy ( easter obviously ) bunny.
 
I returned home today after driving around town and dodging the tourists. The sun was shining so today it was fat arses in shorts and not cossacks or peasants. I know my arse is also fat but I reserve the short wearing until at least June or July and usually in the privacy of my own garden. Anyway, by June or July I will have snake like hips after all the dieting and now I'm waffling.
 
Back to the story - I stood outside and was having a yap to Morag and Lucy across the road about the current local predicament of dogs on beaches ( this is a whole different story and I will do it on another day ) when Mr and Mrs Tourist and Mrs Granny Tourist elbowed their way between us. Morag is a lot more polite and nicer than me and she said ''oooh sorry'' and I pointed out that if the ignorant a-holes had said excuse me then we would have moved anyway.
 
We dodged people walking in the middle of the road, we screeched to several halts as people threw their babies in buggies in front of us, we listened to various different accents saying that we shouldn't be allowed to drive on the orads in town in the summer, we waited patiently while dozens queued for a pasty. At this point I may have still been smiling.
 
My friend Lisa that works for me was jostled in a narrow cobbled street, another person fell down some stairs, another had a tummy upset, another had a sore back and this was all before lunchtime. I managed to stay relatively calm until Mr and Mrs Tourist felt the need to barge and then before I knew it - it was hometime! The smile had gone.
 
Lisa did manage to make me laugh though when she told me about a one armed dwarf she saw yesterday doing what she thought was urinating outside one of the cafes in broad daylight. She could see him from behind and could see he was missing an arm and could see the other arm was pointing down and could see a hot steaming liquid splashing onto the pavement. All guns blazing she charged up ready to say ''OY WHAT THE HELL?'' but then realised he was holding a thermos flask with his one hand and was simply emptying its contents.
 
That made me LOL PMSL and ROFLMAO all at once.
 
And to  counteract the gloom of this story here are some daffodils in one of the pretty little backstreets with the late morning sun warming their joyous and opulent petals.
 
 
And on that jolly note I am throwing some a slice over my ice right now x
 
 

Friday, 29 March 2013

dietdevil: Fliiping heck I'm freeeeezing

dietdevil: Fliiping heck I'm freeeeezing: So it's Easter weekend. Today is Good Friday. I did not eat fish, I had a pork chop for dinner and some chicken for lunch and I spent m...

Fliiping heck I'm freeeeezing

So it's Easter weekend. Today is Good Friday. I did not eat fish, I had a pork chop for dinner and some chicken for lunch and I spent most of the day in town freezing.
 
I remember the year that Martha was born in 1997 - the Easter that year was gorgeous. I recall quite vividly spending it on the beach and there was lots of happy people with pink faces.
 
Today I reckon has been one of the coldest days of the year. We were all busy working and everyone had watery eyes from the piercing wind and faces like bashed crabs.
 
There were no holiday makers skipping along in flip flops - they were all in layers of clothing and a lot of them with ridiculous hats on too. I'm sure the pasty shops did well though which is good because this town needs a bit of money.
 
When I was a lass I liked Easter. It meant one thing to me and one thing only -
 
CHOCOLATE
 
Now I only ever got a Cadbury's button egg but the thrill of ripping it over and cupping half the egg over my nose and saying ''ahhhhhhhhhhhhh'' will always stay with me.
I wasn't from a big family that all bought each other eggs - some of my friends had dozens and I used to be so jealous as I only had that one but I loved that egg.
 
I haven't bought my kids any this year but I don't really feel guilty about it. Here's why.
 
1. My kids are 20 and 16
2. I am on yet another diet and I am not going to sit and watch them chomp chocolate.
3. They are a waste of money ( eggs not my kids obvz)
4. I'm a miserable cow.
 
And really - unless you're religious , which I'm not, it's just a 4 day holiday isn't it?
 
If Marks and Spencers had any of their chocolate hot cross buns then maybe I would feel differently but they didn't so I don't.
 
Hope everyone else ha fun eating all theirs though............and if anyone that lives near me sees someone that looks like me nipping round to the Co-op tomorrow trying to buy some reduced ones - it's not me, honest.
 
 

Sunday, 24 March 2013

dietdevil: Do you want a pudding? Of course I want a pudding!...

dietdevil: Do you want a pudding? Of course I want a pudding!...: So today is Sunday and we were in the mood for a roast but I wasn't really in the mood to cook one. Plus it's never the same when ...

Do you want a pudding? Of course I want a pudding!

So today is Sunday and we were in the mood for a roast but I wasn't really in the mood to cook one. Plus it's never the same when you have someone cook one for you. So went to the pub round the corner.
 
It smelled like Christmas dinner when we walked in because there was turkey on the menu as well as beef or gammon. I plumped for the turkey and it was delicious. The only thing that was missing was the sprouts but  the pudding more than made up for it...................
 
 
Plum and apricot crumble with ice cream.
 
Outstanding.
 
Gateaux, tortes, mousse, cheesecakes, panacotta, brulee?
 
Show me a hot pudding like mother used to make and you can keep them all. With the exception of trifle of course.
 
We hardly ever have puddings at home but when I go out I just can't say no. I can go for coffee and refuse cake, I never buy biscuits and I've probably had 3 cream teas in the 24 years I have lived in Cornwall but I often feel the need to look at the dessert menu of a restaurant on the internet before I even leave the house.
 
Growing up in the 70's we had traditional  meat and 2 veg meals every night and my Mum always obliged with a pudding too. They nearly always involved custard ( with a skin on top ) and if we were feeling the pinch money wise it was sometimes tinned peaches with fake cream. Don't laugh or turn your noses up - it was infact very delicious.
 
For all of you that have followed my weight loss journey you will remember that I have created various masterpieces that are low in fat and sugar and are supposed to be a convincing substitute for their naughty counterparts.
 
They never are.
 
You can't beat a proper pudding. It's what a proper dinner is all about it.
 
And it's this philosophy that is probably the reason that I am sat here thinking that my target  weight is moving further and further away from my chubby fingered grasp.
 
I will not let this upset me.
 
I will think of crumble.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Saturday, 23 March 2013

dietdevil: Crown jewels - be gone!

dietdevil: Crown jewels - be gone!: So I have Mutley - he is 22 months old and I have Freddy , who is one on Monday. They are adorable.   But ..............they have  star...

Crown jewels - be gone!

So I have Mutley - he is 22 months old and I have Freddy , who is one on Monday. They are adorable.
 
But ..............they have  started to fight.
 
 Proper fight.
 
Not all the time but enough to make me think that one of them is going to get hurt in the competition to be the top dog.
 
Apparently, it's all about dominance and leadership.
 
I want to get their crown jewels removed as I think this will help but my hubby doesn't.
 
His argument is - ''you're not having them done''. He's not the greatest debator in the world.
 
I have thought about sneaking off to the vets and getting them done anyway but after world war 3 the other night re 'spiteful mash', I feel that this wouldn't be too condusive to a happy home.
 
I want them both to be done at the same time so they can recuperate together and when they stare at the space where their little bits were they can maybe think ''oh, maybe we shouldn't have had that fight''
 
So what do I do?
 
We got our girls done no bother, but I think it's the fact that -
 
1. Hubby  has similar packaging and it's making him queasy
 
2. On a boy you can actually see what's been chopped off which makes it worse
 
 and that is what's making him put his foot down.
 
When we got our cat done I did feel a bit sorry for him but he had started to 'perform' with every vaguely fluffy / furry object in the house and I really didn't want him to run off in search of, ermmmm, well ,  pussy.
 
My two 'perform' with anything that stands still long enough albeit half heartedly and if we yell they do climb off and look shame faced but it has to stop.
 
If I ask the vet they will be all for it because it's £200+ in their coffers isn't it?
 
I feel a compromise could be if I let each of them father a litter of puppies first but again, this presents problems.
 
If  I did and I saw the puppies  there is no way on earth I could resist them and  I can have no more than 3 springer spaniels in my life at one time.
 
I may be mad, but I'm not that mad.
 
And so........ operation crown jewel removal may be on hold for them moment but is definitely in the bag for some time in the near future.
 
Sorry hubby....it's nothing personal.
 
 
 
 

Friday, 22 March 2013

dietdevil: Nothing says happiness like an excited spaniel.

dietdevil: Nothing says happiness like an excited spaniel.: So she's back! Hooray! The trains did run without incident and Hattie left behind Wales and came back to her motherland of Cornwall. ...

Nothing says happiness like an excited spaniel.

So she's back! Hooray! The trains did run without incident and Hattie left behind Wales and came back to her motherland of Cornwall.

My dogs always like visitors but they LOVE it when it's a member of the family that they haven't seen for a while.

Mutley whimpered, Freddy leapt through the air and Maddie waited patiently and they all had a lot of fuss.

Life is so uncomplicated for a springer spaniel.

We could all take a leaf out of their book in terms of happiness and loyalty.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

dietdevil: Wet Wet Wet and not the 80's pop group

dietdevil: Wet Wet Wet and not the 80's pop group: So today it's peeing down. Cats and dogs. Proper fat raindrops. Wet and gloomy. Blah blah blah.   Do you get the impression that I ...

Wet Wet Wet and not the 80's pop group

So today it's peeing down. Cats and dogs. Proper fat raindrops. Wet and gloomy. Blah blah blah.
 
Do you get the impression that I hate the rain?
It's all to do with my hair you see.
 I'm a frizzer.
 I would adore straight shiny locks but have been cursed with a tufty wave ( only since having kids though for some bizarre reason ) and any moisture turns me into a Michael Jackson pre-op.
 
That's the main reason, but even if it didn't cause me to frizz I would still hate it. I need to go out and do stuff and I don't want to, everyone has long faces on them and it's just yuk.
 
I went to my writers group last night and we went to a nearby pub that was very very quiet. We didn't seem to get much writing done but the banter was cracking. We have so many good ideas between us ( maybe too many ) and if they all fall together into one good solid project then we will all be happy. The three of us are very very funny - well we think we are, and we need to transfer this humour into a written form. Watch this space blog readers - we may be famous soon.....actually we are already a bit famous and some of you will know exactly why. I am saying no more.....
 
Hattie is back tomorrow!
 
 
Her bed is made.  Her hot bottle is ready and her traffic cone is still in the corner.
 
I am hoping that this rain will go before she comes back to 'sunny' Cornwall but as she lives in Cardiff which appears to outdo even St Ives in the wetness stakes, I'm sure she'll live with it.
 
Oh and diet update - I am sort of back on it, in my own way, kind of, a bit.
 
I am not going to any classes, I have given my scales away ( again ) to  a friend and I am fairly chillaxed about it all. Three healthy meals a day and a treat ( usually alcohol ) and so far so good. I will retrieve the scales to weigh on Saturday.
 
I will not have a hissy fit if I don't lose much.
 
Honest.

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

dietdevil: Throw it all in and hope for the best.....and oooh...

dietdevil: Throw it all in and hope for the best.....and oooh...: So today I have some braising steak.  It is from Tescos and as it's in solid form I am guessing that it was once a cow and no horses h...

Throw it all in and hope for the best.....and oooh, Paul

So today I have some braising steak.  It is from Tescos and as it's in solid form I am guessing that it was once a cow and no horses have been injured in the making of my dinner.
 
I am in the mood for curry and I have all sorts of various curry type spices lurking at the back of my kitchen cupboards. I didn't weigh or measure anything, I just threw it all in and am hoping for the best.
 
If it's a disaster I can say ''well I didn't think it would turn out any good - god knows what went in''
 
If it's good, I am never ever  going to be able to replicate it because I really now can't remember what went into it.
 
The spiteful mash war continues - I was out working today so my 'first hubby' as he will be known for the time being , made my lunch.
 
It was a jacket potato.
 
It was a bleddy raw jacket potato.
 
I grimaced and picked  at it a bit and he said ''well cook it yourself in future''
 
I then threw some green beans into the beef curry as he hates them. I know, I know, it's spiteful of me, but hey, that's what I do - I make spiteful food!
 
But back to what it will taste like - it certainly smells good so fingers crossed for a culinary triumph tonight.
 Often the best meals are what we just randomly grab and stick in a pot- that's what most of us 40 somethings were raised on and we all have broad shoulders and hair on our chests.
 
And oh, did you all see Mr Hollywood last night on BBC2?
 
I like to think of it as a 'porn du pain' what with all the double entendres whizzing about and Paul ( the twinkly eyed rogue and god that he is ) pummelling his baguettes and kneading his baps, I think most women of a certain age in this country were salivating at some point during the show.
 
He made me want to eat bread.
 
No, hang on, he made me want to bake bread and there is a big difference. You can't compare what he was banging out of his hot oven to the mass produced rubbish that we get off the shop shelves.
 
My friend Debbie  referred to him as 'Nigella for the ladies' and I quite agree.
 
Jamie Oliver??? phhhtttt - get gone you annoying little brat - Daddy is home and he is here to stay!
 
Yes, he may be older, and yes he is a scouser, but ............yummmmm .
 
Roll on next Monday - no pun intended!
 
 

Monday, 18 March 2013

dietdevil: Spiteful mash!

dietdevil: Spiteful mash!: So today I have come this close  (I am pinching my thumb and forefinger really close together) to murdering my husband. He still has '...

Spiteful mash!

So today I have come this close  (I am pinching my thumb and forefinger really close together) to murdering my husband. He still has 'flu' and to put it bluntly, he is really getting on my tits.
 
And  I do acknowledge that perhaps I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with but he is seriously taking the biscuit.
 
Dinner for instance - let me run this by you all.
 
I was making a pasta type dish for myself and Martha and he didn't want it because he doesn't like any other carbs other than bread or potatoes.
 
He wanted pork chops, mashed potato and baked beans.
 
I said I didn't really want to cook 2 dinners and he had a little hissy fit. I then claimed I was joking ( I wasn't ) and that I would make it for him. He replied to this -
 
''No, I would rather make it myself than have you making spiteful mash''
 
Now, as you all know, I like food and I like cooking.
 I love  mashed potato. I have seen it done with cheese, with butter and milk, with chopped onion, with cabbage, with bacon, but oddly enough - never with spite.
 
Until tonight that is.
 
He got his chops and mash ( there was more than spite thrown in I tell you) and we had our pasta. A truce was called and he begrudgingly apologised.
 
Does this sound familiar?
 
Are there any families out there that can get through the day without bitching, bickering and catty comments?
 
Ours certainly can't.
 
Does the urge to use a blunt weapon from the kitchen drawer to knock out your partner ever grip you?
 
It does me.
 
On the plus side - my pasta was nice and one of my owners left a very nice bottle of red wine on my doorstep so all was not lost.
 
I have a manically busy week, my I Phone has died, and we have a leak from our hot water tank and our washing machine. It's a good job I never make a fuss.
 
Another plus is Hattie's return from uni on Friday. I haven't seen her for nearly 9 weeks and I can't wait to be a Mum of 2 again.
 
Of course, with 3 feisty females residing at home and no doubt HIS man flu no doubt getting worse then there will be fireworks a plenty by this time this week.
 
Would I change them all?
 
Of course not!
 
Would they change me?
 
Hmmm - only where mash is concerned.

Sunday, 17 March 2013

dietdevil: Smells

dietdevil: Smells: So this morning I woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. It was lovely.  I momentarily forgot about the sadness from next door and thou...

Smells

So this morning I woke up to the smell of bacon cooking.
It was lovely.
 I momentarily forgot about the sadness from next door and thought to myself  ''Oh Gill has guests in''. I then sadly remembered but was then happy to think that Mike was having a hearty breakfast. My heart aches when I see that man and how quiet his house must be now.
 
Isn't it odd how smells can transport us immediately to people and places and events?
 
My Granny had the most beautiful gardens and I used to love just wandering around them when I was a little girl. Roses always remind me of my Granny - the smell of them takes me back 40 years. She also had lots and lots of lavender bags. I still love lavender to this very day.
 
Other smells from my Granny's house?
 
Beeswax polish and turkey bones boiling in a stock pot ( not both together )  
I never saw her cook an actual turkey but she always seemed to have a pot of the bones on her stove. This was always transformed into amazing broths and soups, which in a million years I could never ever imitate. I wish I could - they were delicious.
 
Smells from the 80's?
 
Well the aftershaves of choice back then were most definitely Old Spice, Brut and a particularly cheap and nasty one called Hai Karate. I can link each of these to various boyfriends back then but I won't name and shame as I know for a fact that the Hai Karate splasher onner may well read this.
 
Garlic - nobody ever ate it in Northumberland until the mid 80's and I worked in a restaurant where every dish had a base of garlic, white wine, mushroom and onions. The smell of them cooking even now,  takes me back to a tiny little kitchen in Alnwick where scampi provencale, beef strogganoff and pork tenderloin were on the menu.
 
French toast - I once ate so much of it that I was sick for days. Now don't get me wrong, I love eggs and I love bread but the combo frying can still make my stomach churn and make odd noises.
 
TCP - this reminds me of getting my ears pierced and being made to 'bathe and turn ' my studs twice a day.
 
Beer - I worked in a pub for a year when I finished my A Levels and although I have nothing against beer in general, the smell of it stale makes me think of emptying out the drip trays.
 
Obsession perfume - My friend Rachel who I met at Leeds Poly wore it and bought me a bottle for my 21st birthday. I have a bottle in my bedroom wight now and one squirt makes me young carefree and single again. I adore its heavy fragrance.
 
And after that quick burst of nostalgia - I am going to cook bacon and eggs after I've had a squirt of Calvin Klein's finest.
 
 

Saturday, 16 March 2013

dietdevil: Sympathy please

dietdevil: Sympathy please: So I have caught my hubby's lurgy. He claims he still has it and of course now his has come back with a vengeance and the tensions in t...

Sympathy please

So I have caught my hubby's lurgy. He claims he still has it and of course now his has come back with a vengeance and the tensions in this house are running high.
 
I am struggling to make dinner and he is trying to tell me a story about how when he was feeding the horses, a feverish sweat was soaking through his hat and running down his back. I wasn't really listening and couldn't hear properly as my ears are  blocked but I grunted and got told off for being rude.
The other night he texted me from bed asking me to bring him soup - my phone was charging and was nowhere near me so he flew into a man flu strop.

I have a short fuse at the best of times and it is rapidly getting shorter.
 
I will not be outdone in this illness malarky.  Tonight I am aiming for some sort of sores or boils.

That'll show him.
 
And as I haven't discussed my 'diet' for a while I suppose I should raise the grizzly subject ...............and maybe start doing something about it.

The problem is at the moment - I just can't really be arsed. I know what to eat and I know how to cook but my motivation is at an all time
low and it seems to be plummeting further each day.

My eating plan of choice was boring me so I defected to another fat club but that doesn't seem to be working either. I have thought I may do it alone at home, but I really need shiny stickers and rounds of applause etc to keep me focussed.

I admire anyone that can chip away ( no pun intended ) by themselves. It saves money and that means there is more to spend on lettuce etc but I am weak............and easily tempted.
My hubby can eat what he wants and never gains an ounce and my youngest daughter is a cake baking foodie. My friend Leanne has been posting obscene images on Facebook -
                                                                                              
 
it's Creme Egg brownies and she is threatening to bake them and use me as a guniea pig and even though the words ''sugar rush'' are running through my head and I know they will make my teeth hurt, I just know I won't be able to resist.
 
I know  nothing of moderation - I am either good or naughty and the fact that I am poorly and could potentially be covered in all sorts of horrible skin complaints tomorrow, has not made me stop.
 
I am the sort of person that fat club leaders warn you about . They come out with phrases like ''a bad day doesn't make a bad week'' and ''if you had a bunch of 7 flowers and one died , you wouldn't throw the whole bunch away would you?''
 
I can see their logic but it fails to really sink in.
 
Maybe one day it will...............in the meantime, I hope Leanne hurries up and gets baking.

Friday, 15 March 2013

dietdevil: Growl hiss spit

dietdevil: Growl hiss spit: So I am aching , I am shivering and my throat feels like I have been gargling on ground glass. Good job I'm not one to moan, otherwise ...

Growl hiss spit

So I am aching , I am shivering and my throat feels like I have been gargling on ground glass. Good job I'm not one to moan, otherwise I would really be making a fuss today.
To add to it all - they have spent all day digging up the road again but this time it is a much much bigger hole.
 Last week's hole was barely a prick in the concrete . Today's is canyon like. And to make it that canyon like it has taken all day and a LOT of noise. It has upset my dogs and it has upset me too.

They have gone home now so my headache has sort of gone but the throat is still stinging and my bones are throbbing. Two paracetemols and a few vodka and diet cokes should calm me down...........hopefully.

My hubby has had man flu for the last few days but started to get better last night. Oddly enough when I announced my own poorliness this morning his ailments came back with a vengeance. Hmmmm,

Why do men always have to be ill in front of you? At least I have the decency to scuttle off upstairs to my electric blanket and Kindle and I snuffle and wheeze in peace, not disturbing anybody.

Tomorrow is Saturday and I am guessing that the hole men wont be working.

I am sure they will be back bright and early on  Monday morning to resume the drilling and shouting.

Aaaaaaaaaarggggggh

Thursday, 14 March 2013

dietdevil: Don't stand so close to me..........

dietdevil: Don't stand so close to me..........: So today I am going to be cryptic - very cryptic.....but only for the next paragraph.   I had to go somewhere and see someone  and ther...

Don't stand so close to me..........

So today I am going to be cryptic - very cryptic.....but only for the next paragraph.
 
I had to go somewhere and see someone  and there was someone there that I don't care very much for and the feeling is mutual and we had to be civil and then they tried to hug me and be nice and my teeth were gritted and my snarl, I mean  SMILE was forced and I dodged the hug and was very grown up about it all.
 
There - I have let it all out.
 
Are you all proud of me????? Does my maturity impress??????
 
Anyway, my point is - I have a horrendously large bubble and I do not hug - well not very often and I am actually quite choosy in the whole hugs / touchy / feely department.
 
I hug my children, my animals and sometimes my hubby and in all fairness  I don't mind giving a hug but I just don't want them back. I don't know why - I am sure there is some deep rooted explanation but as yet I have never discovered quite what it is that makes me go ''whooooaaaaaaa 10 feet, honey'' when someone comes in for a cuddle.
 
It doesn't make me a bad person - just picky.
 
One of the owners of a holiday property we looked after had allergies and once when I had popped round, he had snot dripping from his nose and zoomed in for a peck on the cheek.
I am a master at ducking and diving and managed to avoid said smacker  and the potential of his mucus smeared against my face, although  a bit may have caught the side of my ear.
 
Germs do not scare me , I am not a cold hearted ice maiden ( not all of the time anyway ) I just don't want someone in my personal space. It's MY space and I like it clear.
 
A close family member tends to do this and she is lovely but I have had to tell her to back off a couple of times - as nicely as possible obviously. I'm not mean, just physically reserved.
 
But as for the space robber today - well he had a nerve. He had the bloody cheek of the devil and my glare said it all.
 
He can hugger right off.
 
(All will be revealed in the nest few weeks as to who this was and the whole situation but until then you will have to wait)

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

dietdevil: New horizons

dietdevil: New horizons: So this evening Martha had her interview for 6th form college. It was Truro today     and we will go to Penwith in 2 weeks time. ...

New horizons

So this evening Martha had her interview for 6th form college. It was Truro today
 
 
and we will go to Penwith in 2 weeks time.
 
Both colleges are big and white and shiny and my youngest child is far too young to go to either. I saw a couple of lecturers and they looked like they weren't long out of school themselves.
That is the old in me coming out............
 
When I finished my O levels in 1984 I decided to also do A levels but I was 'lucky' enough to go to a school that had a 6th form centre attached to it. I was also lucky in that it was in the same street as I lived in so I could literally roll out of bed at 8.30, back comb my hair a bit and stroll along to the lessons that I was taking through choice and not because I had to.
 
And oh how different it was back then. I bloody despised that 2 years of my life.
 
I studied - English, History and Religious Studies. In those days you only did three subjects.
 
English - my teachers were Mr Whelan ( Ronnie ) and Mr Todd our flamboyant headmaster
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
History - my teachers were Mr Rockliffe ( english 17th and 18th century ) and Mr Kelly ( european 17th and 18th century). It was a complete and utter load of baltics. I wanted to die of boredom. I couldn't have cared less who Gustavus Aldolphus was or that some czar put a tax on wigs.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
Religious Studies - my teacher was Mr Sanderson, aka Sharkey on account of his long pointy face. I liked Sharkey , he was lovely and as we only studied the bible the lesson wasn't too confusing.
zzzzzzzzzzzz
 
But on the whole, I wasn't happy. We may have been nearly adults, I was an adult when I left but having to wear a school uniform until you were 18 and a half was not good.
 
Luckily we did have a bit of freedom where we could descend into town during our free periods and we would go to a local cafe called High Society where we would share a coke and a scone ( rhyming with gone not stone ) and basically smoke fags and compare lovebites.
 
It all seems a bit more enjoyable now for kids leaving school. The college prospectuses are full of photographs of teenagers chatting and laughing on the way to their next lecture. They can call staff by their first names, they can hang out, they can wear their own clothes and they can hopefully have a pleasant 2 years.
 
Do I wish I was 16 again?
 
No way!
 
At our school there was only about 10 subjects to choose from whereas now there are hundreds. There are A Levels, there are diplomas, there are half courses, there are full courses, there are vocational courses. There is choice.
 
Martha applied for 6 which after a half hour interview has whittled down to 4. I am aware that this may change within the next couple of weeks. She liked Truro but will still go to her interview at Penwith.
 
Two of the sunjects she has opted for are two that I also did - can anyone guess which two?
 
And I hope with all my heart that she enjoys it more ( she will ) and gets better results than I did - this will not be too difficult................
 
Keep away from the scones Martha! That and 10 Bensons and idle chit chat was my downfall!
 
 

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

dietdevil: I love you paw, I love you too half pint

dietdevil: I love you paw, I love you too half pint: So after yesterday's blog where I asked what our first and secret crushes were, I was over the moon.  I got some very odd but also ve...

I love you paw, I love you too half pint

So after yesterday's blog where I asked what our first and secret crushes were, I was over the moon.
 I got some very odd but also very amusing responses and my friend Debbie was a bit naffed off as she had posted something very intelligent about science on facebook and got 2 comments whereas  I posted a blog about teenage objects of fantasy and got nearly 200.
 Ah, yes, I've still got it............................
 
And so I shall resume my trip down memory lane today.
 
This time it's tv programmes.
 
What were your favourites and more to the point - why?
 
 
Well I am proud to say that I adore one of the best tv shows ever and as you can see from the picture above -  it was - The Little House on the Prairie.
 
All about life in the Ingalls family and set in 19th century America, in a small farming community called Walnut Grove, it was THE BEST!!
 
The programme was derived from a series of books by Laura Ingalls Wilder - the actual Laura in the series, she was the second daughter and always up to loveable mischief.
 
There was Ma, Pa, sister Mary ( who went blind ) younger sister Carrie ( who rarely said or did anything ) another younger sister Grace ( equally as quiet ) and also Albert the adopted brother. They all had chores to do, they all walked miles and miles to school, they all read the bible, there was always a moral to every story and Pa would always tell Laura ( half pint ) how much he loved her at the end of each episode.
 
And of course there was the other characters in Walnut Grove - Doc Baker, Reverend Alden, and best of all The Olsens - they ran the village store and had 2 vile and spoiled children called Nellie and Willie.
 
Nellie was particularly loathsome.
 
I'm sure I am speaking for us all when I say we all knew a Nellie didn't we?
 
She wore frilly dresses and had perfectly blonde ringleted hair.
 Willie was just dumb and naughty.
Their antics were overseen by their dominant and equally horrid mother Harriet and their nice father Nels generally stood in the background restocking the gobstopper jars and shaking his head mournfully.
If my memory serves me correctly though, I am sure that Nels left Harriet for some young kind floozy later on in the story and she was left alone to think about all her bad deeds.
 
Writing it down, it doesn't seem quite so appealing now but to me 35 years ago it was wonderful. I laughed at it and I cried at it and I know I sound like an old fogie when I say ''eeeh they don't make them like that any more''.
 
I also loved the BBC dramas that were for slightly older kids and were shown at teatime on a Sunday night. Pollyanna, Anne of Green Gables, Ballet Shoes and Carrie's War. All good stuff and all adapted from good books too.
 
I would love to hear what everybody else watched and loved. What sticks in your memory and what makes you want to be 10 years old again?
 
And Debbie - sorry again for last night xxxxxxxxxxx
 
 

Monday, 11 March 2013

dietdevil: Things that make you go phwoaaaaaarrrrrr

dietdevil: Things that make you go phwoaaaaaarrrrrr: So my friend and fellow blogger Leanne has just pointed out that the object of some of my hearty desire Paul Hollywood has got his own sho...

Things that make you go phwoaaaaaarrrrrr

So my friend and fellow blogger Leanne has just pointed out that the object of some of my hearty desire Paul Hollywood has got his own show starting next week. Now for those of you heathens that don't know who he is, Paul Hollywood is the bearded twinkle eyed baking expert from 'The Great British Bake Off'.
 
Maybe it was the way he kneaded his loaves, or squirted jam into his doughnuts or kept saying 'baps' and 'buns' - I'm not sure but he reduced me to a dribbling wreck. I had a proper crush and I'm no schoolgirl.
 
This takes me back to when I was  a schoolgirl of 12/13  and I had my first proper crush - I am not proud and I don't know why but it was on Sebastian Coe! He won the gold medal in the 1500m at the Moscow Olympics and I cried because he won and then I cried because I loved him so much.
 
I collected lots of newspaper clippings about him from my Mum's Daily Mails and kept them in a huge pile in the drawer that also housed my 5 year diary. I planned to leave school at 16, travel to Sheffield ( where he was from ) , stalk him for a while, meet him, then marry him.
 
WHY????
 
When I see Lord Coe now on the telly I actually blush. I feel ashamed . I feel dirty. I really can't fathom what my 12 / 13 year old mind was thinking. It must have been the cold easterly wind in Northumberland or my hormones but I still cringe about it more than 30 years later.
 
I remember the day that I met a 'real' boy. I am not going to say his name but his initials were JD ( some of my friends will remember him - vividly ) and I came home and threw away all my Seb Coe clippings.
 
I was cleansed. I was cured. I had snogged!
 
So ladies and gentlemen - what makes us go 'phwoaarrr' when we see a certain celebrity on the tv or in the newspapers or in a film?
 
Seb was no looker but there must have been something that set my loins ablaze.
 
My phwoarr factors since then have been -
 
Adam Ant
Harrison Ford
Paul Young
Bruce Willis
Rob Lowe
Bobby from Dallas
John Cusack ( he still makes me phwoarr a bit)
Robbie Williams
Simon Cowell
Jon Richardson
Kirk from Towie
Jim Sturgess
 
and many many more that I can't really remember.
 
So if you have read this blog - please leave a comment and fess up who you've also had a little crush on. And please be honest. It can't be worse than Lord Coe.
 
Can it?
 
 

Sunday, 10 March 2013

dietdevil: Mummies - and not the egyptian kind

dietdevil: Mummies - and not the egyptian kind: So today is Mother's Day. I have been one for 20 years and I have to say that my kids are lovely. Most of the time......joking - I love...

Mummies - and not the egyptian kind

So today is Mother's Day. I have been one for 20 years and I have to say that my kids are lovely. Most of the time......joking - I love them both more than wine, sticky toffee pudding and life itself.
 
The first baby that I fed or changed was Hattie. I was the youngest in my family and had no younger cousins etc so I had nobody to practise on. Hattie was my first and at times I thought she may be my last.
 
I read the manuals, I did it all correctly and worried and fretted like any other new mother.
My midwife pointed out to me that even though I had read the book, maybe Hattie hadn't and then I calmed down a bit.
 
By the time Martha came along 4 years and 3 months and 10 days later I knew it all.....except I didn't really as all babies are different, just as all people are.
 
But we all survived and here we all are above, last summer.
 
Girls are emotional, hormonal and dramatic and so am I so there have been some turbulent moments in our household during the last 20 years.
 
I miss them when they aren't here, I iften wish they would be quiet when they are here, I worry constantly about them, I want to throttle anyone that upsets them and all I really want is for them both to be healthy and happy - wealthy would be a bonus.
 
There are also my furry children - the dogs, and I suppose the miserable gumpy cat. Maddie our oldest dog sticks to me like glue and even if I pop out for 5 minutes I am greeted the same as if it had been 5 hours.
 
Total and unconditional love.
 
Happy Mother's day to all xxxxxxxx

Thursday, 7 March 2013

dietdevil: A good book

dietdevil: A good book: So I love books. I love reading and I love our book group.   I have read some stinkers and I have read some corkers. I am currently wri...

A good book

So I love books. I love reading and I love our book group.
 
I have read some stinkers and I have read some corkers. I am currently writing one at the moment. Hopefully that one will be a corker.
 
At school we read because we had to but even some of those we enjoyed. For my O Level English which  was a long long time ago ( 1984) we could have read 1984 ( obviously ) or Rudyard Kipling's Kim. Our teacher opted for Kim and I can't remember what the hell it was about but I know I must have enjoyed it as I enjoy books set in India ever since.
 
I loved the language in it, I loved the chaos of the place and I particularly loved the insults ; ''your mother is the sister of a camel with bad breath'' etc etc.
 
I also did A level English which is where I may have nodded off a bit on the book front. We had to do TEN books back then, including Shakespeare and poetry.
 
Shakespeare was ok I suppose. I liked Hamlet - the Danish are a nice  sort of people and I adored Philip Larkin. I identified with his complete and utter loathing and misery and the fact that he used the word 'FUCK' a bit and we would have to read it out in front of Mr Whelan.... our very cool and funky teacher.
 
And then I left school and a few years later I was a grown up . The time had flown.
 
The books that got me back into reading were -
 
1. The Da Vinci Code - a bit Scooby Doo but I love a good conspiracy theory.
 
2. Nicci French - recommended to me by my friend Debbie and have read all of them.
 
I started book group because there is nothing worse than reading a good book and having nobody to talk about it with. It is very frustrating.
 
It is all about trying out new stuff. I have my 'genres' - I like crime thrillers and despise chick lit. If a book has a pair of high heels, swirly patterns on the front and some lipsticks I generally avoid it like the plague but if someone from book group chose it then I would read it. Honest, I would.
 
I have just finished The Ship of Brides by JoJo Moyes. It was a proper saga. There was colourful characters, laughter, a good plot, some tense bits and some tears too.
 If I am sad when a book finishes then I know it has been a success. Sometimes I genuinely miss the characters - it's like saying goodbye to a friend and that is a sign it has been well written.
 
Never mind the film - Atonement, Angela's Ashes, We Need to Talk About Kevin, One Day.......all good enough films but not a patch on the book.
 
So in honour of world book day - go on - grab yourselves one - they do them in Tescos , 2 for £7........and many a bargain on Amazon too.


Wednesday, 6 March 2013

dietdevil: Cankles shmankles

dietdevil: Cankles shmankles: So I need to get a grip. This blog was meant to be about my never ending diet and instead it's about all sorts of other things. Someti...

Cankles shmankles

So I need to get a grip. This blog was meant to be about my never ending diet and instead it's about all sorts of other things. Sometimes life gets in the way of lettuce and it's a while since I have eaten one of those.
 
I joined another fat club today but I don't wish to divulge any further info. All I am going to say is that while I sat there listening to the leader enthusing about fruit I noticed that I have acquired cankles. They were bulging over my shoes and flaring onto the floor. I was in good company as there was several pairs there...............but it hurt, it hurt real bad.
 
So it looks like I may have to eat a few of these
 
and definitely a few less of these -
What an absolute bummer.
 
Of course, it was book group last night and there was the usual amount of scoff and booze. There was tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches, wine, there was nachos ( me! ) there was homemade quiche, wine, there was Mel's fairy cakes, there was dips, breads, olives, wine, cake, crisps, wine and some more wine I think. I also drank a bottle of diet coke to counteract it all so was very surprised to see those cankles at the end of my legs this morning.
 
Oh I wish I had a magic wand, it really would be fab, to eat and drink, and wave that wand, and banish all the flab.
 
My hubby asked what was for dinner and I said 'stir fry'. I actually think I said 'f***ing stir fry' and he laughed. He knows I mean business. He knows his life will be hell. He knows there will be nothing in the fridge apart from yogurt and skimmed milk.
 
He won't starve. His Mum will be slipping him pasties and hogs puddings.
 
And I will keep crunching on the lettuce - yay........

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

dietdevil: You got a friend.........

dietdevil: You got a friend.........: So I tossed and turned a bit last night. I kept thinking about my Mum being ill and my brother being ill ( and lying in his flat undiscover...

You got a friend.........

So I tossed and turned a bit last night. I kept thinking about my Mum being ill and my brother being ill ( and lying in his flat undiscovered ) and then I thought of my Dad and how it's nearly 5 years since he died . I thought of the old man across the road called Henry - he is 95 and Gill next door used to cook meals for him and check up on him. He wasn't up to going to her funeral but came to the wake afterwards and the sight of a 95 year old man crying into his cloth hankie is not a nice one.
 He called Gill his 'angel'. And she was.
 
Is this what being a grown up is all about? If so, can I go back to being young? They say that your school days are the best days of your life which I don't agree with as I didn't really like school but I do wish I could wind the clock back to when my biggest dilemma was the coca cola or raspberry flavoured lipgloss or which pair of earrings to wear.
 
However, I was presented with this from the Interflora man this morning.
 

It is the most beautiful and fragrant bouquet. I love it. I was moved to tears. It was a wonderful and caring gesture from a friend that I have never met. We have a mutual friend on facebook and we added each other a couple of years ago after a particularly boisterous banter and since then we 'yap' most days and generally listen to each other's moans and groans. We both have a similar sense of humour ( naughty ) and have had some proper belly laughs. She is a good  and decent person.

When she asked for my address I didn't think for one moment she wanted it for this but I am so glad she did.
 
Another friend of mine, Debbie never fails to make me laugh. She sometimes says things out loud which maybe she shouldn't but it always makes me chortle.
 
The lovely Leanne - one of the funniest folk I know. I used to think she was shy and retiring but not any more. Our love of books and hatred of Jodi Picoult ( sorry Tara ) brought us together.
 
So, things aren't much better on the whole depressing family front....................but I have only cried tears of joy today. If you want to leave the room and vomit, go ahead.
 
It's intellectual book group tonight which is always a laugh. A real mixed bag of characters that genuinely all get along.
 
Oh and there will be wine and egg sandwiches too which is always cause for celebration.
 
My Dad always used to say 'I'll never see you beat, pet'.
 
Wise words Dad xxxx

Monday, 4 March 2013

dietdevil: How much is too much?

dietdevil: How much is too much?: So what's been going on in my life today?? What has Monday morning and the start of a brand new week thrown at me? Should I be bright a...

How much is too much?

So what's been going on in my life today?? What has Monday morning and the start of a brand new week thrown at me? Should I be bright and breezy and say nothing or shall I be totally honest and tell the truth?
 
My 2 blogger friends Mark and Leanne both pondered yesterday about their blog content. Mark is a new blogger and wondered if he was revealing too much and Leanne, after her husband called her blog 'twee' wondered if she wasn't revealing enough.
 
Is there a happy medium?
 
Do my readers really want to know about my heavy period, very poorly elderly mother, mentally ill brother who was found collapsed in a coma as his carers thought he had 'gone out' and he wasn't seen for days or would they prefer to hear about the glossed over version of my life which involves springer spaniels, wine, food and poems?
 
The former facts are all true by the way and it all hit me today, all within a half hour time scale. The door then knocked and it was Martha's public speaking team come to rehearse which I forgot about. I menstruated through 2 layers of clothes at this point. Sorry about that , but it's true..........
 
I am what you would call a 'funny' person, I make people laugh and sometimes it's the last thing I
want to do. I have had a chronically horrible start to this year, and I feel it may well get worse.
 
What can I really do though?
 
 I have my days with that black cloud hovering over me and its equally black dog snapping at my heels  but then I chant my little mantra ''you will be fine, you will be fine''.
 
I also pray - am not sure who to, but it helps.
 
I am blessed with wonderful friends that would give their eye teeth for me. If they  were black americans they would say ''yo, sister, I've got your back''
 
But they're not, yet they have, and I appreciate it immensely.
 
Tomorrow is another day.
 
Bring it on.
 

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Ginga Ninja

Ginger Ninja



So I have 3 dogs, which you all know about. They are cute, they are cuddly, they are loyal and they are the most beautiful springer spaniels in the world.
I also have a cat. Finn Gordon Blair Miliband.
 
Martha decided about 3 years ago that it would be nice to have a sweet little kitten but we got this one instead. He never miaows, he rarely sits on anybody's lap and he spends his life trying to wind up the dogs.
When we first got him we only had Daisy and Maddie. Now dear departed Daisy liked nothing better than chasing a rabbit and sometimes even catching one. We once foolishly looked after some friends guinea pigs for a weekend and they were in a hutch which we placed outside in the garden and Daisy spent the entire 72 hours with her face pressed against the glass of the back door like a fat kid at a cake shop.
There was a near miss when we let them out in their run on the lawn, but they survived.
When we got Finn it was similar. Daisy was a salivating wreck but she managed to restrain herself until he was big enough for her to ignore.
Our present 3 dogs haven't got a shred of the bravery that their big sister had. They are currently living in fear of that cat.
Maddie manages to pretend he isn't there but still gets the odd swipe when she walks past, Mutley will have a wrestle and run off after a while but poor little Freddy cops it the most.
He is young and gullible so when the cat sidles up for a hug and Freddy nuzzles back it then turns into all out war with that poor pup always coming off worst.
In the photo above he is in the log basket next to the fire, and there are also several dog toys near it which whenever Freddy went near to retrieve, he got a smack round the ear.
He also shows no mercy with us. He hides in various places and as soon as his most recent place is rumbled then he will choose another.
I have rattled boxes of biscuits in the rain, shrieked his name in the graveyard ( long story ) accosted local builders, have sustained injuries when trying to get him out the house the other week, have apologised to friends due to his unfriendly behaviour ( Lisa ) and generally have given my all. It's all ME ME ME with that cat!
And you know what?
Whilst writing this blog, the little bugger actually miaowed - no word of a lie.
Hiss.
 
 
 
 
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dietdevil: Ginger Ninja

dietdevil: Ginger Ninja: So I have 3 dogs, which you all know about. They are cute, they are cuddly, they are loyal and they are the most beautiful springer spaniel...







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Ginger Ninja

So I have 3 dogs, which you all know about. They are cute, they are cuddly, they are loyal and they are the most beautiful springer spaniels in the world.
 
I also have a cat. Finn Gordon Blair Miliband.
 
 
Martha decided about 3 years ago that it would be nice to have a sweet little kitten but we got this one instead. He never miaows, he rarely sits on anybody's lap and he spends his life trying to wind up the dogs.
 
When we first got him we only had Daisy and Maddie. Now dear departed Daisy liked nothing better than chasing a rabbit and sometimes even catching one. We once foolishly looked after some friends guinea pigs for a weekend and they were in a hutch which we placed outside in the garden and Daisy spent the entire 72 hours with her face  pressed against the glass of the back door like a fat kid at a cake shop.
 
There was a near miss when we let them out in their run on the lawn, but they survived.
 
When we got Finn it was similar. Daisy was a salivating wreck but she managed to restrain herself until he was big enough for her to ignore.
 
Our present 3 dogs haven't got a shred of the bravery that their big sister had. They are currently living in fear of that cat.
 
Maddie manages to pretend he isn't there but still gets the odd swipe when she walks past, Mutley will have a wrestle and run off after a while but poor little Freddy cops it the most.
 
He is young and gullible so when the cat sidles up for a hug and Freddy nuzzles back it then turns into all out war with that poor pup always coming off worst.
 
In the photo above he is in the log basket next to the fire, and there are also several dog toys near it which whenever Freddy went near to retrieve, he got a smack round the ear.
 
He also shows no mercy with us. He hides in various places and as soon as his most recent place is rumbled then he will choose another.
 
I have rattled boxes of biscuits in the rain, shrieked his name in the graveyard ( long story ) accosted local builders, have sustained injuries when trying to get him out the house the other week, have apologised to friends due to his unfriendly behaviour ( Lisa ) and generally have given my all. It's all ME ME ME with that cat!
 
And you know what?
 
Whilst writing this blog, the little bugger actually miaowed - no word of a lie.
 
Hiss.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

dietdevil: Someitmes you just have to swear................

dietdevil: Someitmes you just have to swear................: So today should have started off a lot smoother than it did!  I really get frustrated sometimes when I have to rectify other people'...

Someitmes you just have to swear................

So today should have started off a lot smoother than it did!
 I really get frustrated sometimes when I have to rectify other people's mistakes. It makes me growl, it makes me hyper ventilate and it makes me want to swear like a sailor.
 I like swearing but only when it's totally necessary. There's a time and a place for it and that place is generally my house and the time is generally about 9.30 on a Saturday morning.
 
I actually wrote a poem about swearing a few weeks ago and I feel the need to share it with you all today, but as I am a responsible blogger, and I don't want to upset any of my loyal readers from far flung places like Ukraine and Brazil, I have asterixed some letters out of the naughty words.
 
Ahem.............................
 
Sometimes when life aint going great
and people arent that nice
The strongest urge
for naughty words
is all that will suffice
A little f*** yelled here and there
some may say you're sick
but if no-one hears
or shields their ears
A m**** will do the trick
We can then progress to w*****
or arsehole's also good
cock, tit and willy
is all quite silly
But it will get you in the mood
So don’t hold back your rants and raves
it works, it’s not a stunt
Progress quite slow
Then let it go
To a loud resounding C***
 
Now if anyone can't guess which words are which please feel free to message me privately and I shall tell you. Of course, I would never use the last word as it's the baddest of the lot so I do apologise if anyone of a sensitive nature is offended by this - I assure you none is intended.
 
Anyway, back to swearing where needed.
 
I am a firm believer as I have said in my poem of using a fruity expletive where need be - it's the use of it to punctuate every day speech that annoys me.
For example - ''ooh I'm f***** dying for a f***** cup of f****** tea'' etc .
I think all swearing should be used responsibly and obviously only if you're over 18 and I hope to god that I don't have to use any of those naughty words any more today.
 
I wouldn't count on it though.............
 
Hope everyone has a bloody good weekend.